saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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