I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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