i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
