Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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