Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
