Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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