I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
