btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
