Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
