dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
