Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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