I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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