M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
