we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
