im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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