I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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