Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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