remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
