How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
