hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
