We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
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She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
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I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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