Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
