I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
