Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
