i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
