So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
the liver wants what the liver wants
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
