Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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