is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
