I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
