So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
