I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
