he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
