so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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