we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
