I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
