Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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