We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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