whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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