I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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