stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
