Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
