dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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