did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
