haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
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I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
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I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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