What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
