the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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