this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We left the knife in your bed.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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