Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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