Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
