I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
