In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
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My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
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Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize