i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
