did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
