One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
