You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
