I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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