Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
