Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I love having hate sex.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
