My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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