I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
