My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
