I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
