the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
