I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
