I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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