Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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