There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
