I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
