Just cropdusted the office
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Let's get the cat blown out
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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