Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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