im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
