i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
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I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
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When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think your dad took our porno
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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