So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
