There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dignity is for republicans.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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